


Hollow

by OK7



Category: Emergency!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 10:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8053189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OK7/pseuds/OK7
Summary: A prequel to the Emergency! episode "Snakebite"





	Hollow

Johnny lay awake, listening to his stomach growling. He shivered and scrunched down a little further into his sleeping bag. He’d forgotten how cold it got in the mountains at night, even in late August. The air in the tent was damp, moving the chill deeper into his bones. He listened to Chet and Roy take deep breaths as they slept. Johnny turned, trying to get comfortable, which was nearly impossible. By the second night of tenting, the romantic notion of sleeping on the ground and getting back to nature, had lost its luster. He squirmed, feeling his neck beginning to stiffen. His stomach growled again.

How could they not catch a single trout in two days of fishing? Technically Roy had caught a very nice one, but when Johnny helped him unhook it, it slipped right out of his hands. Before it swam away, it did a little jump, and he swore the fish looked back, as if taunting him.

Johnny was already on Roy and Chet’s _Shit List_ and the trout incident hadn’t helped things. Ever optimistic Johnny Gage assumed they would be catching more than they could eat and hadn’t packed much to supplement their pescatarian diet. The first night they shared two cans of baked beans. On the second, they subsisted on hot coco and peanuts. Everyone was too tired and hungry to play cards or tell exaggerated tales of memorable rescues. Instead, they just sat around the campfire, choking on smoke. Yes, everyone was hungry and a little bit irritated by the time they hit the hay. Even though it was only 9:30, Roy and Chet seemed to fall asleep quickly, but Johnny lay awake for what seemed like hours, tossing and turning, and wishing the trip had gone differently. He listened to his friends breathe, and concentrated on his own breath, and eventually started to fall asleep.

Suddenly, he had that uneasy sensation of falling, and jerked awake. He thought he had heard a noise, like something a large animal would make. Had he been dreaming? Then, there it was again. A growl and snort. He nudged Roy. “Roy, did you hear that?” 

“Huh?” Roy mumbled, still half-asleep.

Johnny whispered, “Roy, I think I may have heard a bear.”

Roy was used to being awakened in the middle of the night. If it wasn’t the blaring tones of a call coming into the station, it was one of his kids needing comfort from a nightmare.

Then, there it was again: a snort and sort of growl coming from somewhere in the darkness.

“See!”

“Johnny,” Roy said using his patronizing Dad voice. “It’s just Chet. Go back to sleep.”

Chet snorted again, and rolled over.

Johnny rolled in the opposite direction and pulled his sleeping bag up over his ears. Crap! He was wide awake and he had to pee. Three cups of hot cocoa before bed was probably not a wise decision.

He unzipped his bag, crawled around Roy, and then over Chet’s feet before reaching the door of the tent.

“Hey!” grumbled Chet, “What’s the big idea?”

“Sorry,” whispered Johnny. “I just gotta pee.”

He fumbled with the zipper for a minute and when it finally slid open, he clambered to his feet, and stumbled into the cool, night air.  He began to search for a flashlight in his jacket, but then realized he wouldn’t need it. The stars and moonlight would provide sufficient light for him to find a suitable tree to mark.

After relieving himself, he followed the sound of the river and found a fallen log to sit on. It appeared solid in the moonlight, but the underside was rotting and the bugs burrowing through it were slowly turning it to dust from within.  It cracked and teetered with his weight.

The stars were mesmerizing. He nearly forgot about the stars when he was in the city, where the night skies were marred by light pollution and chronic smog.  Suddenly Johnny was very homesick. As much as he loved L.A. County, he needed time away from the noise and concrete and smog. Spending time in nature refueled him, and he’d wanted so badly to share it with his two best friends.

Yes, Johnny was tired and hungry, but mostly just disappointed. The trip hadn’t gone as he had envisioned it. He had needed this trip. They all had really. The last month had been more than just stressful. It had been heartbreaking and emotionally draining. Even Cap knew they needed a break, so he’d encouraged them to extend their regular two-day’s leave into three days if they could find subs. 

Johnny loved his job, but recently there had been far too many tough calls to outweigh the ones where he felt like he was making a difference. First, there had been a multi-car accident with several fatalities, including two children. Then, a fellow firefighter, a man Johnny had worked with at 8’s, had been badly burned. It was so hard to try to keep his friend and colleague calm, and not show his own concern over the severity of his extensive burns.  The following week, after they lost a heart attack victim, Roy and Johnny joined the rest of Station 51 at a house fire. The upper story was fully engulfed by the time they arrived, and they helped treat the family for smoke inhalation. The little girl had been inconsolable, crying hysterically because her pet hamster was still in her room. Johnny tried to comfort her by lettering her wear his helmet, but it didn’t help. She only seemed to cry harder and plead with the fireman to help save her beloved friend.

When they got back to the station, most of the firemen changed, washed up, and began making a late dinner. Johnny hung back in the parking lot behind the station, throwing a ball for Boot. When they all sat down for chow and Johnny still hadn’t joined them, Cap knew something was wrong and quietly slipped away to talk with him. He’d seen Johnny’s jovial spirit fading over the last few weeks. Even after a recue ended, the serious, focused paramedic was no longer bouncing back into that lovable optimistic twit he loved having around the station. Cap was concerned.

Boot scampered back and forth, his nails clicking rhythmically on the concrete. Occasionally, he let out a little _yip_ , reminding Johnny to take the ball and throw it again. A dog like Boot was a good thing for a firehouse. Dogs were good at providing comfort, keeping secrets, and releasing emotions that firemen didn’t always know they had. Although Johnny and Boot had a rough beginning, they had developed a definite bond.

 “You’re gonna wear that dog out, you know.” Cap said, breaking the silence. “And that’s a hard thing to do.”

Cap knew then and there that Johnny needed a break. All the guys did, so he encouraged them all to take some time off.  He was relieved when he saw Johnny’s spirit lifting when he shared an idea for a fishing trip. Cap declined politely, making up a story about family commitments. He knew the boys would really be able to let loose without their Captain tagging along. Marco had no desire whatsoever to go fishing, and knowing it would be difficult for them all to find subs, he decided to stay behind and take a longer break the next time their two-day leave came around. Surprisingly, Mike Stoker had been just as excited as Johnny about the trip. They had never seen him quite so animated. The normally quiet engineer suddenly became a bit of a jabber box, chattering about rods, and tackle. Who knew he loved to fish? The night before their scheduled departure, however, the plan began to unravel. Stoker’s replacement called and told him he could no longer take his shift. Stoker struck out with each potential replacement he called, and when he finally dialed Johnny to officially back out of the trip, Johnny heard the disappointment in his voice. Stoker told Johnny it was “No big deal.” He would join them next time.  But Johnny could tell it was a big deal to Stoker. He’d been looking forward to it. Perhaps more than any of them.

As Johnny sat by the river, looking at the stars, the sadness came over him again. He thought about the kids who’d been killed in the car accident, the heart attack victim, and even that stupid hamster. Why was he doing this job? Why did he even come to L.A. County? His family was away from the city, where he could see the stars and go fishing whenever he wanted to.

Johnny jumped a little when he heard a crackling sound. The sound of someone or something coming toward him. He recognized the silhouette immediately, and his tensed muscles relaxed when he realized it was Roy.

“There you are,” he said. “I thought that a bear mighta got you.”

Roy sat on the log next to Johnny. The log crackled, and shifted again. “What’s eating you?”  Roy knew it was more than just an empty stomach.

“What are we doing, Roy? It seems like we are never there fast enough, or we don’t have the right equipment, or. . .I don’t know. I just didn’t sign up for this to be a grief counselor.”

Roy knew exactly what Johnny was feeling. He’d felt it at times before, but he couldn’t tell Johnny that. Not now. The unwritten code between them was that when one partner was down, it was the other’s duty to be supportive and encouraging, and remind his friend of all the good they’d been doing. Sure, the paramedic program had flaws. It was new and constantly evolving, but Johnny needed to remember the people they had helped. Before the genesis of the paramedic program, many people died waiting for an ambulance or while being transported to the hospital. Paramedics were improving their odds.

“Johnny, you’ve also got to remember we aren’t super heroes. We can’t stop cars from colliding, or cast protective shields around our fellow firemen, and we sure can’t walk through fire to save hamsters. What I’m tryin’ to say is . . . you and me. . . we’re human, with emotions, feelings, and flaws. Just like everyone else.”

It was those emotions and feelings that Johnny was really struggling with. Paramedics were supposed to keep their emotional distance. To not get too involved with the patients or wear their emotions on their sleeve. It was a delicate balance to care, but not care too much.  He’d seen some take it too far, pushing their emotions away so that they almost seemed robotic, like an empty shell of a human. Johnny didn’t want to become an emotional basket case, but he didn’t want to be hollow either.

Roy didn’t have an easy answer for how to achieve a good balance. There was no rule book, and it was different for everyone. Their jobs were truly stressful, dangerous, and emotionally taxing. There was no easy answer, but he encouraged Johnny to take better care of himself.

“You have to stop taking every extra shift just ‘cause someone asks. You can’t be a paramedic 24/7. You’ve gotta take more breaks. Take more fishing trips or find other things you enjoy doing. When’s the last time you and Chet went on a double date? You used to do that all the time.”

Johnny knew Roy was right. He had been working too much. Johnny often struggled with the personal stuff, like sustaining romantic relationships. He didn’t have any family in L.A. County, so he’d thrown himself into his job. Although he loved his work, in some ways it had become a coping mechanism, and a way to manage the loneliness.

“You may not be a superhero, Johnny, but you’re a damn good paramedic. And you know what? You’re a damn good person too. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit sometimes.”

Roy and Johnny talked a long time that night. And when they noticed the stars begin to fade and the soft light of dawn begin to cradle the mountains, they hatched a new plan. They’d break camp as soon as it was light enough to see, and head for Middleville. The café there served breakfast all day, and had cinnamon rolls the size of their heads. If they drove fast, they could be there before lunch. After some serious refueling, they would take a detour on the way back to L.A. County, stopping at a reservoir they knew was fully stocked with trout. Yes, their luck would turn once they hit Middleville.

 


End file.
